At times we can’t accept a situation even if it is good for us. Why?
Question by Shivani Agarwal, teaching associate, Kolkata
Shivani, you have also mentioned in the question —“we don’t have the courage to accept the situation because of emotional attachment.” I couldn’t put it all in your query because of the format constraints. However, you have raised two vital issues which compound the situation—lack of courage to accept and emotional attachment.
Let me break one myth here that emotional attachment is bad. No, it is not. The only thing we will have to develop along with it is the power to detach! If you have that you have won the battle 100%.But, this detachment can only come through full acceptance of the situation. If you keep the window closed, you wouldn’t enjoy the sunlight and the cool breeze outside. Acceptance is nothing but letting the sunlight in. The rest will be done by the light itself—it will help you see the reality: your untidy side. And once you have seen, experienced and understood the reality, you will gain the power to accept and detach the painful way.
How? Suppose you love your car. You have emotionally tied yourself to it. Now imagine that you are really tied to it by a rope. A few robbers enter your house, snatch the car keys from you and escape with your car. What will happen now? You too will be forced to go along the car’s direction. You will begin to feel pain of the rough road. The reality will give you two options—untie to freedom from pain or remain tied to the car and incur painful injuries. But, as they say, pain is a great teacher. You will learn your lesson fast and untie yourself. The pain of the injuries will be greater than the pain of the loss of the car. This will leave you weak and wounded. This is how a common person learns to detach himself/herself. However, the Gita trains you in advance to use your emotional power both ways and not to get under their sway. Krishna lays down two principles in shloka 34 of chapter 3. (1) इन्द्रियस्य इन्दियस्यार्थे रागद्वेषौव्यवस्थितौ --the senses are naturally held to their objects through the strong magnetic power of attraction and repulsion. (2) तयोर्न वशम आगच्छेत तौ हि अस्य परिपन्थिनौ --Don't come under their influence. Why? तौ हि अस्य परिपन्थिनौ--these two forces will rob you of your power.
What is your power? Your ego, intelligence and mind along with the body. What comes out of this? It is that when you interact with a person or a thing, you actually deal with two dynamic forces--attraction and repulsion- in their form. What is the wise way out? तयोर्न वशम आगच्छेत--Don't come under their sway. How? By developing counter powers within you, not reactions. How? When you feel too much attracted to a thing or a person, you should make yourself conscious that your energies are being drawn out of you. Practise it and the brain will develop a natural balancing power--which will nullify the pull. Repeat the same when you feel repelled from a person or a thing. But, for God's sake don't react against attraction or repulsion, it will bring you under their sway. By developing counter power means instead of saying 'I'm not attracted", "I repel you", " just go away", Say to yourself 'I feel attraction for XYZ. This is my own power of attraction, I respect it." What are you doing here? No magical words these, you are just enforcing the truth by accepting it and realising it within by respecting it. Practise it and in no time you will gain the dynamic zero state --the state of conscious non-reaction, which is a wise response to the situation.
Why we lack the courage to accept the reality? Because we react and not respond to the situation. Reactions bring us under the sway of two forces and drain our mental and emotional energies. A robbed man can have no courage! Can he? A mere thought of the robbery will discourage him. Isn't it? But, why do we react? In an effort to get free. But, it is the wrong way. It is like you are engaging yourself in a fist fight with a Tyson in a false rush of bravery and getting knocked out in one punch. A defeated person will always have a defeatist's attitude and not courageous stance. Some sentences of the defeated person are --" I will do what you say, I can't live without you, I will kill you if I don't get you, I can't bear your loss, I can't see you with others, I will kill a man I see you with ( like a robbed man says I will kill the robbers if I find them again" and so on and so forth.
Courage lies in the bosom of a trained martial artist, who silently observes the opponent, wisely remains out of the line of his attack, fills his heart up with the counter power and responds to the opponent instead of reacting to his punches.Courage is the radiation of a resolved mind and disciplined energies. Reaction is the reverse of it.--VS